confusion

he called again...

last night, 10:30, on his way home from work. another "want to come over?"

this is frustrating. i told him how selfish he was the night before - how he didn't even ask me how i was. of course he just said it was because he had a lot on his mind and rushed off the phone after i said i wasn't coming over (i.e. declined sex). of course this was because he "had just gotten home and had a lot going on." right. more excuses.

i am proud of myself, i didn't cave. i sat at home, stayed in bed and cuddled with my dog. i wanted to go see him. my logic was:

1. do not let him win
2. do not start this again
3. you would only be hurting yourself
4. he will get what he wants, you will feel terrible
5. cuddle with your dog, she has never hurt you and doesn't deserve to be abandoned for someone who repeatedly hurts you

the next morning - before he got on his plane, (to go on yet anotherr vacation he can't put the time and effort into a relationship, to make it a healthy realtionship, but he does have time to run off with all of his friends - for the 5th time in 8 months - and be drunk and disfunctional and completely counterproductive in his attempt to improve himself! anyway...) he sends me a text:

"i miss you. i hope you have a great weekend! i will try and not be so selfish."

what does that even mean!?!?! selfish in the world in general? with me? what? and by the way, we said "goodbye" last week so why make promises to change now? i thought that the whole reason for the "goodbye" was because we both came to the agreement that you are not going to change - if you are not going to change, our relationship is not going to change, and this is not the relationship that either one of this want! at least this is not the relationship that i want. apparently since he is not taking the "goodbye" seriously and not making an effort to change - this is the relationship that he wants.

i thought i said goodbye so that i didn't have to think about this anymore...